Through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
I get told far too often from people that they don't know how I handle everything that has been handed to us. That tends to lead to them saying that they couldn't handle everything the way that I do. Maybe they're just saying that to be nice to me or make me feel better about different things I encounter. But I think I hold it together better on the outside than what is really going on inside. I go through highs and lows with everything that goes on with the boys. I don't think it's ever easy, but sometimes I feel like I have control and a handle on things, then there are times that I feel like I'm drowning and not sure how I can possibly find the strength to keep my head up for the kids. But then God reminds me that I have strength in him and he will lift me and get me through it. And really, that's the only way that I get through anything, high or low.
Lately I've been in a long going low. A lot of things are contributing to it, not just the different conditions of the boys. I nearly 10 weeks from my shoulder surgery, and still have minimal use of my right arm and still continue to be in pain. Nearly 3 months without 2 arms and being in pain equates to a lot of frustration for me, which turns to stress. I also now have to be doing physical therapy for 4-7 hours a day. A DAY. Who has time for that? But now I don't have a choice in the matter.
Then we've been having problems with both the boys. We put it all together last week and decided that the boys have a gluten intolerance. They both have nearly every sign/symptom of having this intolerance. But for weeks upon weeks prior to us putting it all together, we've been dealing with their symptoms. One of the symptoms are aggression and behavioral issues, which the boys have had, big time. It's been difficult to cope with everything they've been going through with this, which has lead to even further stress on this Mommy. I also have some personal issues that I am trying to deal with.
All of this has added up, and left me feeling like I am sinking. Like the waters have started to come up over my head.
But then God sends me signs that he hears my cries and he is with me. This morning I was driving to a health fair that I was working at. I was crying and praying. Well, I was more like calling out for help. I said: 'Lord, I'm drowning. I need your help. I need the help with the boys and I need strength. I feel like I'm alone and I need you. I need your help.' There was more said, but that's what I'll share. I was listening to JoyFm as I was driving and crying and praying. Nearly immediately after I finished saying my prayer, the song Listen to the Sound by Building 429 came on. Here come the tears again! The first verse was exactly what I was feeling. Here is the first verse:
Are you in over your head
Are you in water so deep you're drowning
Do you think you've been left
And there is no one to feel your hurting
Well, everyone has been there
And everybody's felt lost
If you're in over your head
Lift it up, Lift it up
Wow, talk about a sign straight from God that he hears me. My God that created this entire earth, the whole universe, created everything, is listening to ME. Sitting in my passenger seat this morning hearing my pleas. It amazes me no matter how many times I attempt to fathom it. It's humbling. Then after that song, Laura Story's song Blessings came on. One of my favorite songs right now. It's a song that always tugs at my heart.
Here are each of the songs:
I only have the strength that I have is from Christ. Even when I'm hurting or feel like I can't do it, God is always with us and guiding us through. It might be painful, but it's part of his plan and will make us stronger in Christ. And knowing that God is with me every step of my trials, pulls me through the difficult times. It may not make the circumstances easier or go away, but where my heart and mind are makes me stronger to endure and push through
I can do through all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
In the same way I was with Moses, I'll be with you. I won't leave you. So be strong and courageous. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take. Joshua 1:4-9
No comments:
Post a Comment